A Dream about Steve’s Demons…
Aug. 25, 1994
Earlier in the night I have a war dream. Realistic. Where the civilian population has to mix with the soldiers and fighting. There’s parts of town where each side doesn’t dare go, even though they’re not part of the fighting. The civilians won’t put up with the soldier’s presence, or maybe they’re partisan. But there’s this group of soldiers and a machine gun and I spot an enemy through the binoculars. He’s crawling between some railroad tracks, under a boxcar. A soldier sights in on him with the gun and scope. He shoots once then says “5 inches too high and a bit right” then adjusts the scope. Shoots again. I see the young man clearly thru the binocs. He looks real worried after the first shot. After the second, he arches his back and slowly crawls away a few feet. I’m thinking “Don’t die. We only meant to sight in on you. Maybe wing you a bit.” But he dies with a sigh. Sad. The soldier says “Hey, now no more missing! I’m sighted in. Excellent!”
Now to the main dream. I bump into Steve and Dave and we’re in Colorado and we decide to go for a raft trip down this valley river. It turns out to be the most beautiful river scene I’ve ever seen. We have a great time. The rafts are really small, like air mattresses. We’re all jammed together somehow. Near the end we start to catch up to another raft. It also has Steve and Dave on it. We merge and all crowd together. I keep getting our S & D mixed up with the new ones. They’re doppelgangers, I guess. We see beavers sunning themselves in ponds.
We get back to their apartment and are hanging out. I go upstairs for a moment and smell a bad smell and see muddy dogprints all over the walls. I go back down. We start to barbeque or something. Cops show up. Go upstairs and open the bedroom door. They’re stunned. There’s a shredded German Shepard in there. They think Steve has done something “real sick” and are taking him in. He’s getting kind of a glassy look and grinning. I ask him Why? He says Why not? And laughs like it’s a joke. Anything goes. He felt like it. (He’s always been kind of the cynical, realist, wiseguy with a feelgood philosophy.) I tell him you can’t just do what you feel like. That you have to do what’s right. The root of life is being good, not having fun. I say that if while you’re doing good you enjoy yourself, fine. But if you take the means for the ends here, you’re asking for trouble. Doing things for the right reasons takes you out of time. It means you’re doing something for the sake of universal harmony, which is outside of time. You have to realize that everything we do stands for something else, something better and ideal, that everything we do is symbolic. You have to be connected to where life comes from, not just its physical image. I think he thinks the here and now are the only real things. So I say Your senses aren’t everything. They show you only a little. They’re just signposts, approximations. Physical things come and go. They’re very temporary. They’re illusions comared to the ideals they come from. Good things and harmonious symbolism are the only things that don’t fade, that last forever. This is where strength and safety come from. Steve, you’re in danger right now! Big danger! When you do something to have fun now, you get it stuck in time, bound to the earth. The king of the earth is the Devil. The word demonic means ‘to be tied down’ or ‘sent over.’ (All while I was talking about symbols, Steve started getting real fidgety in his chair—cops standing around waiting to take him away—now with mention of the Devil he starts getting real wild-eyed and frothy. I get worried. He’s possessed! I wonder, can I cast out the demon? How?) I start crying and say C’mon Steve, tell me you see that we should do things which stand for higher things. That we don’t just do things for the here and now. Doing things for fun ends up with Devils…ends up horrible. Killing the dog was bad. It was evil. (Here he starts beggin to differ in a panicky way.) Don’t say “Good and bad are nothing;” don’t say “You can’t tell me. No one knows.” Evil is doing things for the fun of it. When you get tied down to earth, to illusions, to temporary things that you can’t really see or understand, then anything can happen. Good is doing things because you know they’re symbolic of a higher order, doing things because you know you’re an ambassador, you’re representing things of this world to things not of this world. You’re responsible. And that’s all. No definition. Just a connection. That’s what good is. If you see that, you’ll be fine. C’mon, don’t you see? I know you can. It’s easy. C’mon, see it and you’ll be fine!
(Then I wake up, scared. Demons seem very real and spooky all of a sudden.)
