by Steve Frederick
It comes. I approach perfection–it is so close I can taste it! And,
lord, I have come to know the taste of imperfection well enough.
The breakthrough came suddenly, as they so often do–I cannot put
a finger to the moment or source. I know only that, though the puzzle has completely possessed my mind on so many occasions, the solution seemed born not of my mind but unbidden from my very hands! As I worked at my table, assembling the latest of a long line of samples, almost unconsciously, without volition, I reached not for the smooth, nor the chunky, but for both! Ah, sweet madness! Has it come at last?
But no, I see in a flash of insight, that one might spread a thin layer of
creamy, sealing the pores of one slice of bread, making it impervious to
the seeping sogginess of the jam. And, ah! A thicker layer of chunky
upon the other slice of bread-can it be so simple? I spoon jam onto
the slice that I’ve sealed with creamy, carefully sculpting it evenly
to within (but not beyond! That way lies the dreaded sandwich slide and I have no wish to revisit that torment!) 1/4 inch of the edges. And then I match the two slices to form…the sandwich.
It has the heft and heartiness I desire but will it travel well? I slide it carefully into the sandwich bag and then into the saddlebag, with cell phone, tube and tools. With trembling hands I dress: Wool, lycra, lorica…I’m ready!
Happy rolling miles later, I’ve almost forgotten as I often do, that the
painstaking care with which I’ve prepared my experiment will soon be put to the test. I ease into a green roadside park and thence to a picnic
table. The time has come! Fearfully I unbuckle the saddlebag’s strap–will my efforts again be for naught? At first inspection the sandwich appears intact, slightly warm and yielding from our two hour journey. I ease it from the sandwich bag, and..alas! My finger are sticky with jam. Curse you, treacherous treacle! Can nothing contain your deceptive sweetness? I consume the sample as disappointment again consumes my soul.
As I dejectedly pick at the last thin bit of crust I see it suddenly, in
my mind, a vision-blinding in it’s intensity! Of course! When one
applies the chunky, one must apply it concavely, with a thicker layer at
the perimeter to contain the jam! And press the sandwich firmly
together, to seal the creamy and chunky at the edges–a gasket! A dam!
A levee to stand against the strawberry hurricane of Smucker’s finest! I
must rush home and try again! But tomorrow–I am weary from today’s
efforts. Tomorrow, and ever always, I must try again–I approach
perfection…the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich!
[DOES ANYONE HAVE A PERFECT PICNIC PHOTO TO GO WITH THIS ESSAY? If so, just post it below!]
